pregnant during a pandemic

A blessing in disguise

nine months of quarantine

As I sit here reflecting over the nine months of pregnancy, I never thought I would say this but a part of me does miss the feeling of being pregnant. I don’t think I appreciated it at the time but there is no doubt something absolutely beautiful about a pregnant woman. I think I finally can see that now that I am no longer pregnant. Funny how we typically always want what we no longer have or can’t have and never appreciate what we have in the moment we actually have it. 

Like all things in life, for every negative there is a positive and I have always tried to be the type of person to look for the positive to every negative. 

The things I could have gone without while being pregnant: 

The food restrictions
First trimester morning sickness
Not being able to see everything below my belly
The awful metallic taste
Being kicked and punched on the inside
Gestational diabetes; the strict diet
Gestational diabetes; the insulin shots
Gestational diabetes; the sugar highs & lows
Gestational diabetes; the daily tracking of numbers
Being extremely tired & overall slower
Peeing every thirty minutes to an hour
Uncomfortable sleeping positions
Potential miscarriage or still birth anxiety
Fear of any potential medical issues/conditions
Painful bowel movements
Hives from insulin shots & unknown allergic reaction
Being overly paranoid and vigilant about my health especially with covid-19
Not being able to have a baby shower due to social distancing
Being pregnant during a pandemic and not being able to go on our baby moon. 

The things I loved about being pregnant: 

First trimester food cravings which happened to be all my favourite foods as a child
Guilt-free naps
Constantly rubbing my big old round belly
My improved sense of smell
Feeling the baby kick and move
Working from home and being able to cook all my meals at home
Gestational diabetes; forcing me to do my 3x daily walks rain or shine
Gestational diabetes; my healthy diet
Gestational diabetes; keeping my pregnancy weight in check
The pregnancy glow & beauty
Realizing that I frequently peed pre-pregnancy as well
Realizing that I was growing a baby inside me
Seeing the baby on the ultrasounds
Hearing the heartbeat at every appointment
Grateful to not be constipated
Treatment was relatively easy once we knew how to treat it
Still feeling all the love shared by our family & friends even from a far
Having the most amazing drive/walk/bike by baby shower
Being pregnant during a pandemic and using that as an excuse to stay home and do nothing

The female body is absolutely remarkable & beautiful.

I can’t even imagine what it would have been like to go through pregnancy and labour without Matt, as impossible some moments felt- He always made everything feel just a little bit more doable.

Throughout the nine months, Matt often reminded me of the things I would easily forget:

He reminded me that….

I would start to feel sick when I got behind on my eating, drinking, and taking my iron supplement
My hormones are bringing up feelings & emotions that I have never felt or refused to feel before
When I gained weight or felt big, he reminded me that I was growing our baby inside of me and that it was okay
I needed to rest, listen to my body and it was okay to rest and not feel guilty
It was okay to eat whatever I was craving or whatever I could get down without feeling sick in the first trimester
To stop trying to make sense of my sugar highs and lows
With every bad day, I had more good days that I somehow always forgot I had
I often suffered from short term memory loss
I was doing an amazing job taking care of our unborn child with committing 100% to my gestational diet and walks

From the beginning, I knew that I was most likely going to be diagnosed with gestational diabetes and be required to take insulin. Thank you to my genes, I am pre-diabetic and highly likely going to get type 2 diabetes eventually. On March 10th, 2020 at 18 weeks pregnant I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, I even tried to negotiate with the doctor asking if there was anything I could do to avoid taking insulin and without any hesitation, he said no. I will never forget the night I had to take my first shot, there was so much uncertainty, anxiety, and tears. Matt tried to encourage me to do the first shot on my own but I couldn’t work up the courage. I had to take two shots, so we decided that he would do the first one so I knew what it would feel like and I would do the second shot. Five hundred and fifty-two shots later, it is safe to say I no longer fear administrating shots to my thigh, I never managed to work up the courage to do the shot anywhere else.

Because of insulin dependent gestational diabetes, we were told from the beginning by our midwife team, diabetic doctor, and OB that we will be induced at 38 weeks as there was an increased risk of stillbirth and having a big baby. Matt and I didn’t really question it as we trusted the professionals and it wasn’t until our prenatal class that we started to wonder if we had other options. If anyone is ever wondering if taking a prenatal class is worth it, it absolutely is. Not only did we learn basic information about labour, birth, and the first few weeks at home with a newborn it opened us up to ask questions and discuss things we wouldn’t have ever thought about or knew to consider.

A few of the biggest takeaways from prenatal class were:

That one medical intervention usually leads to more interventions and the possible impact it has on your baby, your hormones, and potentially breastfeeding.
That everything we thought we knew about labour and birth from movies was very inaccurate.
That giving birth on your back is not actually ideal and a natural position.
If you receive an epidural, it eliminates your ability to feel your legs which means you lose the cues your body gives you to push.
Anyone who got an epidural claims it was the best decision ever and anyone who didn’t get one also says it’s the best decision they made.
There is no right or wrong and every birth story should be judgement free.
That breastmilk is magical.
A fed baby is the best baby.
A water birth is not only available at home but it is possible at BC Women’s Hospital.
A water birth reduces the risk of tearing and is an easier transition into the world for your baby.
It made us consider hiring a doula. (Best decision ever! Maybe, I will write a separate blog about doulas and midwives)
The power of corregulation between Matt and me.
The actual purpose of a birth plan.

I knew that writing out a birth plan was something that other women did but I saw it as a way to set yourself up for disappointment because there are so many ways that your story could unfold. I had said from the beginning that I was NOT going to write a birth plan and just trust that whatever was going to happen will. I wanted to remain open-minded and allow our baby to dictate when and how it wanted to enter the world. I did learn though that it was important to at least write down some things that you would prefer to ensure that your birthing team was on the same page:

My birth preferences:

I wanted to do everything in my control to avoid induction,
I wanted to go into labour naturally,
I really wanted to do a water birth if possible,
I did not want an epidural,
We wanted Matt to catch the baby and cut the umbilical cord,
We wanted the midwife to announce the sex of the baby,
We wanted the baby to receive the vitamin K shot,
We wanted to donate our cord blood left in the placenta,
We wanted Matt to stay with the baby if it needed to go to NICU,
and we do not want the antibiotic eyedrops.

With all the new information we got from our prenatal class, we started discussing with our birthing team our options on how to encourage going into labour naturally instead to potentially avoid needing an induction at 38 weeks.

At 36 weeks we started the following:
Taking evening primrose oil orally and vaginally,
Hand expressing colostrum,
Acupuncture,
Remaining active by walking and doing stairs,
Resting as much as I could,
and requested to have membrane sweeps done by the OB and midwife.

Do I think that doing any one of these things are hundred percent effective or proven? No, however Matt and I believed in each one of these methods wholeheartedly without any doubts. We didn’t just do them because we found them by consulting doctor google, or because it was the latest trend/fad on pregnancy blogs, we did them because it gave us something to believe in, it made us feel empowered and in control (even though the reality is we had no control whatsoever).

At 37 weeks + 1 day (Tuesday, July 21st, 2020), at my OB appointment I was already 2-3 cm dilated and she was able to do my first membrane sweep. Based on the results of our 36 week ultrasound, our OB was also comfortable with pushing a scheduled induction to 39 weeks which would have been on Monday, August 3rd, 2020. This gave us another 2 weeks to try to encourage our baby to come on its own. Our OB was very optimistic, she said that we probably won’t even make it to our scheduled induction date, because my cervix was very favourable. At 37 weeks + 4 days (Friday, July 24th, 2020), I was scheduled for another membrane sweep with our midwife team. The first membrane sweep was quite uncomfortable and was followed by hours of cramps and contractions which made my mom think I was in labour. The second membrane sweep was less uncomfortable and I did not get any cramps or contractions which made me think that it wasn’t effective.

After the first membrane sweep on Tuesday, my instinct told me that our baby was going to make an appearance that weekend but after the second sweep on Friday, I completely doubted my own intuition.

With that doubt in mind, I started to shift my energy and praying that we would have our baby before our scheduled induction date Monday, August 3rd, 2020.

One lesson I constantly learn over and over again in life is to never doubt my own intuition.

Many people might think anyone pregnant during a pandemic missed out but for me, I truly believe it was a blessing in disguise. Being able to work from home made pregnancy life so much easier, I was able to make all my meals, I had the flexibility to adjust my hours based on how I was feeling, it allowed me to go for my after meal walks, I took naps when I needed to, I wore comfy clothes all day every day, and didn’t have to buy any maternity clothing. The only two things that weigh on me is that Matt and I were unable to go on our last vacation as a couple together before we became a family of three and not being able to share this journey with friends and family.

Matt and I always looked forward to our yearly trips together, we loved exploring new cities, trying new food and just enjoying each other’s company away from work and normal life. Instead, of a baby moon, Matt and I enjoyed a five month staycation together where we walked our neighourhood & surrounding areas over and over again, we cooked dinner together almost every night, and we blended work, normal life and everything into one. Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, we started looking forward to our first trip with our new baby as a family of three.

I never thought I would be upset that I would miss out on a baby shower and it was not because I wanted to be the center of attention, or to play the awkward baby shower games, or to receive gifts - I was sad because I was missing out on taking photos and creating memories of this time with our family and friends. If you know me, you know that photos are everything to me. Photos are my way of ensuring that I will remember these moments for as long as possible.

Matt being the person that he is reached out to my closest girlfriends and with them started to plan a surprise drive/walk/bike by baby shower. The surprise was short-lived as the girls thought it would be best to involve me in the planning. On June 13th, 2020 - our family and friends gathered in the alleyway of our laneway house and celebrated our baby at a socially safe distance. I cannot thank Matt and the girls enough for planning the best baby shower I could have imagined; no awkward baby shower games, no set time limit on how long everyone had to stay, just a day full of finally seeing the people we love, taking socially safe photos, and celebrating our baby.

I actually think the drive/walk/bike by baby shower was way better than a “normal” baby shower (at least for me).

It was the perfect way to celebrate our unborn child.

The love we felt that day is something we will never forget.