our birth story
the miracle
of birth…
There is absolutely no specific training or anything you can do to prepare your body or mind for the miracle of birth because everyone’s birth is unique in their own special way. Giving birth to our beautiful baby boy was one of the hardest things I have experienced mentally, emotionally, and physically.
We went about our Saturday as normal and as I was getting ready for bed at around 11:00pm, I started to feel contractions. We immediately put on the TENS unit on my back to try to give me some relief so I could get some sleep as we were told to get as much rest as possible. I wasn’t fully convinced that I was in labour, I thought it was just going to be like what happened on Tuesday after our first sweep. We started to time our contractions but they were all over the place, the moment I would doze off another contraction would hit. As the contractions would hit, I would roll off my side into a downward down/child pose position or lean forward over the bed. This was the best position for me to be in, just imagine being doubled over in pain. We learned in prenatal class and was told by our midwives that we need to wait until contractions were 3 minutes apart, 1 minute long and consistent for 2 hours and the biggest mistake of first time parents is going to the hospital too early.
I have no idea what time it was or how many hours had passed but I remember this moment so vividly, I remember the moment I finally surrendered and let out my first cry and scream.
I could no longer pretend to be tough and that I was okay.
Because most of this is a blur, here is what I remember:
Potato never left my side, he never sleeps in our room but he was under the baby’s bassinet on my side of the bed the entire night. He wasn’t even phased by my screaming and crying.
Sushi would periodically come into the bedroom and check on me.
At some point I looked up at Matt and just said “Help Me” with tears streaming down my face. I know this broke him because he wanted to help but knew there was nothing he could do to take the pain away.
I remember even through all this, I was overly worried that my unfiltered screams were waking up or bothering the neighbours.
In hopes of trying to help with perspective, Matt reminded me that I could do this and that I have completed an Olympic Triathlon before. I told him that this felt nothing close to how the contractions felt. I don’t think there is anything that can ever compare to labour/birth.
This may sound weird but in the past, I had this desire to push myself so physically hard during a workout that it would make me puke but I never got to that point. However, I ended up puking due to the labour pain. I guess me puking is just another reminder that the feeling of labour can not compare to any other physical activity no matter how much you push yourself.
All I could do during a contraction was scream, swear, slam my fist into something, bite myself and or grab onto something.
Matt said I was completely fine between contractions, I was totally lucid, making comments and laughing. He was referring to me as Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
At about 5am (6 hours after the first contraction), even though my contractions were still all over the place - we decided to text our doula. She suggested getting into a bath.
Potato followed me into the bathroom, he never left my side and even jumped up onto the edge of the bath tub and was giving me head boops. Sushi would still come in periodically and check on me.
The bath helped but the contractions were only getting stronger, and longer and I was losing parts of my mucous plug.
I remember turning to Matt at one point and saying “Why the hell would anyone have more than one kid?”
We got out of the bath so I could try to get some sleep but that didn’t last long, and I was back in the bath tub looking for any kind of relief.
And then, all of a sudden Everything in my body was telling me that it was time to go to the hospital and that this baby was coming.
At about 8:15/ 8:30am (I think), I started to get the strong urge to start pushing.
We finally decided to call the midwife.
The midwife wanted to talk to me but I was so incoherent during a contraction, she immediately told us to get to the hospital, asked if we thought we would make it, if I thought I would give birth in the car and if we wanted her to come to us.
My answer to everything was I don’t know….
We decided to head to the hospital.
We arrived at the hospital just after 9:00am, our midwife Amanda was already fully scrubbed up and greeted us at the door.
All I remember was that the admitting floor was eerily quiet and it felt like I was the only one there.
I was escorted into a room, and was immediately strapped up to a baby heart monitor due to the gestational diabetes to make sure the baby was okay.
I think of this point the nurse offered me an epidural but our midwife immediately replied “She knows her options and will ask for them if she wants them.”
The midwife then checked how dilated I was, I was 7cm dilated but my water was still intact.
Most of the next two hours is a blur and I had no concept of time but I know I wasn’t in the admitting room for long.
We were transferred to our private room with a bath tub pretty quickly.
The room number was 13 and the moment Matt heard that he knew everything was going to be okay because it was his lucky number.
As we approached our room, our doula Michelle showed up.
I was immediately strapped up again to the baby heart rate monitor and went straight into the bath tub.
I am so grateful for our midwife Amanda and doula Michelle, I would have been pushing forever if they were not there coaching me how to push, when to push and for how long to push for.
I was letting all my energy out through my mouth as I screamed during each contraction instead of directing my energy down.
With every contraction and push, I grabbed onto either the tub or Matt’s arms as hard as I could.
I moved between Matt holding me up when I lying horizontally with my legs in my arms, bent over utilizing the bathtub for support, and or in a squat position with Matt supporting me.
As part of the process, I had to get my blood sugar checked and it was a bit high (7.1) so the nurse said she would have to administer one unit of insulin. With the support of everyone in the room, I felt empowered enough to decline the insulin as that would have meant that I would have to get out of the bath tub to be hooked up to an IV.
All I remember at this point was how exhausted I felt and how I could not have possibly take any more of this. I remember pleading for it to be finally over.
My water was still intact at this point and the baby heart rate was spiking with each contraction but was recovering which was a bit concerning for the nurse.
Amanda gave me the option of waiting for my water to break naturally or I could have her break my water to move things along.
After asking her what the risks and cons would be, I decided that I wanted her to break my water.
I got out of the bath tub and she assisted with breaking my water.
I found out at our next check in appointment with Amanda that she only offered to break my water because she sensed the nurse getting nervous about the baby’s accelerating heart rate. She wanted to make sure that I was able to deliver in the bath tub.
I couldn’t tell you how long as every moment felt like an eternity but I was told I was pushing for a total of 35 minutes.
Being in active labour was also the most present and in the moment I have ever felt in my entire life. Even though I knew there were four other people in the room, it felt like it was just me.
I could hear people talking and see people moving around me but it was like they were in another room or world. It felt like I would come in and out of consciousness.
I am surprised I even heard them coaching and talking to me.
When the time came, Matt moved from supporting me from behind to preparing to catch the baby with the help of the midwife.
Matt was able to catch our baby and immediately place our baby on my chest.
After a few moments, our midwife asked if we saw what we had, and we both said no.
At this point, Matt and I didn’t even care - we were just happy that our baby was finally here.
We are lucky enough to have a video of us finding out we had a baby boy. The video is pretty anticlimactic as we genuinely from the beginning of this journey did not care if we had a baby boy or baby girl.
After your baby comes, you wish and hope that you are done but you are quickly reminded that you still needs to deliver the placenta.
With our baby boy attached to me still, I got up out of the bath tub and moved onto the hospital bed.
Matt and I decided to do the delayed cord clamping so that our baby boy could get as much cord blood as possible.
When it was time, Matt cut our baby boy’s umbilical cord.
I don’t remember the order of things but I delivered the placenta, I got checked, baby boy got checked & measured, Matt put on his first diaper and had some skin to skin time with his son.
Baby boy was then placed back in my arms and never left Matt and I sight the entire time we were at the hospital.
Our doula and midwife then showed us the placenta, if we had one regret it would be taking a picture of it. You may think that would be gross but the one side of it looked like the tree of life and was absolutely beautiful. They had to send my placenta to pathology because they thought a piece of the placenta was still inside of me. If that was the case, there could be some complications with severe blood loss. I was monitored closely and was cleared a few days after giving birth.
As I mentioned in my “our beautiful journey” post, one of my biggest fears was tearing and I am SO happy that I did not experience a tear.
Recovery for me was quick and super easy with minimal bleeding which I do realize that not everyone is that fortunate.
All of the photos of me look like I was completely out of it. I don’t know how some women look so put together after giving birth, I certainly did not and wish that I did. I looked like a hot mess.
There is even a photo of me inhaling a bagel in the background while Matt is standing over our baby boy crying.
We were left alone after the midwife tried to help us with our first feed which wasn’t very successful because his mouth was too small for my nipple.
Luckily, I had been hand expressing colostrum as I knew we would need it to help with his blood sugar levels.
Kazu was also monitored closely for low blood sugar and we were so happy that Kazu passed all his checks.
I thought I would want all the food after giving birth after being on such a strict diet for so long but I wasn’t really craving anything but of course we ordered sushi for my first meal.
As we were told and we expected, Kazu slept most of the day and night while we were at the hospital.
Everyone says to sleep when the baby sleeps but it was almost impossible with all the adrenaline racing through our bodies.
The next morning, I was feeling a bit stir crazy being in the room so I slowly made my way to second cup to get a coffee and snack.
As I was coming back up to the room, I had no idea where to go… all I knew was I was in room 13 but I had no idea which pod I was in.
I asked the nurse for help and she looked at me like I was crazy because I was walking around less than 24 hours after giving birth.
The wait for the test results was excruciating and felt like an eternity, all we wanted to do was get home, be in our own space and check in with the potato & sushi.
We were at the hospital for a total of 30 hours and we were discharged the next day after he finished all his newborn screens & test.
We were so excited to go home, the hospital bed was uncomfortable (we forgot to bring our own pillows) and the food was terrible.
