my journey here
remember,
you are not alone
my journey was messy, it was all over the place, it was hard but it has brought me here today. it has given me the strength and courage to share my story, my struggles and if it helps even one person - it would be worth it.
deep down.
i know, i am destined for more.| i know, i am can make a difference. | i know, i have it in me to inspire change. | i know, i can use my experience to help others. | i know, i want to be a positive influence.
thinking this past week about the struggles I experienced as a young girl, wondering what it would have been like if i had someone, anyone who could understand me, or the very least try to understand without judgement.
would I be the same person I am today | would I struggled as much as I did | would I have made the same choices | would I be sitting here writing this | would I have the same values | would I be so drawn to wanting to start a business
the 'what if's' are endless.
I will never know but what I do know is what my 14 year old self was thinking while going through the hardest transition of her life. She was thinking that one day, she wanted to help others who are going through similar experiences. She knew she wanted to help educate others, she wanted to make a difference, and she wanted to use her struggles for a greater cause.
She didn't want others to feel as lonely, as she did. | She didn't want others to struggle as much, as she did. | She didn't want others to try to end their life, as she did. |
She didn't want others to lose themselves, as she did. | She didn't want others to think all the sacrifices was for nothing, as she did.
everything
happens for a reason.
She didn't know it then but she was looking for a reason, she was trying to make sense of why she was going through this. She wanted others to know, more importantly she needed to believe that "everything happens for a reason, we may not always know the reason but there has to be purpose to everything."
She was trying her best to navigate through a loss that no one seemed to understand, losing the only thing she knew and cared about her whole life, and having it ripped away within seconds.
She replaced that gaping hole in her life and jumped head first into a relationship with a boy. She made this boy her everything, he was her saviour. She fought like hell to keep him because their was no way she could go through another loss. Losing him, was like losing her life all over again.
Years went by with many questionable decisions after another into her late twenties.
She was trying really hard to stay afloat even though she barely had a clue that she was struggling until she wasn't anymore. In the thick of it all, she never knew how bad it got until she reflected back.
She had lost who she was, she stopped doing things for herself, she never spoke up for what she wanted, she always put others first, she had zero self worth, she had no idea what she truly deserved, she lacked confidence, she settled, she stopped chasing the things that made her feel happy, she pretended everything was good and she was terrified even though she would never show it.
What if she had someone? Could I be that someone for someone ?
What if I use my experience and build a business focused on helping younger females transition through hardships, build confidence, increase self awareness, and become the best version of themselves through movement and mindfulness.
is this what I was meant to do?
i guess, we are about to find out.
“this is the beginning of anything you want.”