let's talk, talk about pressure
let’s talk,
talk about pressure
the pressure to,
to set goals then to achieve them and then set more goals
to have life figured out, to go to school, to get a job, to get married, to have kids
to get a better job, to advance your career, to make more money, to be debt free, to be financially stable, to save money
to always be growing, to continuously learn, to always be moving forward
to be successful, to be the best, to be better than you were before
to know what you want, to chase your dreams
the pressure to,
to fit into the social norm, to impress people
to do what others think is best for you
to do what others are doing
to catch up, to accomplish
to act a certain way, to be a certain way, to speak a certain way, to write a certain way
to be perfect, the perfect partner, the perfect person, the perfect friend
to show no weakness, to hide our flaws
the pressure to,
to find happiness, to find purpose, to find passion
to lose weight, to gain weight, to eat healthier, to eat more, to eat less
to want what you once said you wanted
to be responsible, to be an adult
to change, to never change
to be resilience, to be strong
to be okay.
my whole life, i have put myself under constant pressure.
pressure from myself, pressure from my parents, pressure from friends, pressure from partners, pressure from social groups, pressure from society, pressure from employers, pressure from managers, pressure from thought leaders.
pressure to be whatever i needed me to be or what others needed me to be.
———
two weeks ago, i took the first step, i reached out for help.
today, i tried to tell a complete stranger my entire life story in seventy five minutes.
i want to say all it took was me unloading my entire life story to free myself from this pressure
but i would be lying.
this is only the beginning of unravelling all the shit i have pushed through, ran away from, ignored.
and that in itself is freeing, knowing that one day i will not feel stuck under all this pressure.
———
today, i recognize the ridiculous amount of pressure i constantly feel.
the pressure to have to be successful, to have to make money, the pressure to always have to be wanting something more or being better, to always be moving forward.
the complete truth is,
what i want and what i need right now, makes me no money, does not advance my career, and in fact moves me so far backwards that it’s hard to logically comprehend.
but in order for me to even begin to move forward again, i have to let myself be where i am right now and be okay with not making money, to not be moving forward, to be okay with moving backwards.
there is nothing more freeing than speaking all the things you have gone through
and realizing that you deserve a break,